I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
