oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
