Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
