I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
