I puked a lego.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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