she woke up with a sticky ear
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
