Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
OPIZZABONMYDICK
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
