I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
