69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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