i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
