You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
