Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I looked at my own cervix.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize