I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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