You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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