At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My vagina is officially offended.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
