OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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