i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
