I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
