If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
