The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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