just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
