maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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