what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
