i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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