I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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