he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
