I CAN MOONWALK!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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