Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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