i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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