and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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