i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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