toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
