i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
