I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
