I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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