i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
