I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize