Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
is wine microwaveable?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
