Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
