East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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