OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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