nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
