I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
