I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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