The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
