I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
