I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
