we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
A bitchslap is in order.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
