Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
