So drunk, too bad you don't want this
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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