i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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