so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
