He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
