The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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