when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You're completely useless in the revolution.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
