Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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