Swine flu. Run for my life!
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
