weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
