2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
