you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
