what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
