Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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