My room smells like vodka and shame
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
