I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
