everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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