Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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